Maybe God Was On Drugs
by fsdfsdfsd
Summary: As a Jonin of the Konoha, Neji accepted the accident that sent him back in time twenty years, and gave this do-over all he had. As a sane human being, Neji had a little bit more trouble when he found out that his second chance was actually a Groundhog Day loop- and he's not the center of it, either… time travel


Prologue:

When The Spanner Hit The Works

…..

…..

I found the Akatsuki member easily, and we soon had him cornered between the four of us.

"Good work, Neji." Gai praised me. I shrugged it off, while the criminal marveled at my Byakugan.

"I'd be curious to see how it differs from Itachi's Sharingan." He said, as if expecting us to react to the name of another nukenin. When none of us fell for it, he made to escape.

Naturally, our team was prepared for him. No sooner after he jumped to the trees we followed him, unyielding in our assault. Somehow the man managed to get a kunai into his mouth, and was quickly dodging blows and deflecting weapons.

But my team was called the best for a reason. Our opponent was quick, and good at dodging, but Lee managed to herd him close enough that I could slam him into a tree. Unfortunately the man didn't stay down, but we were close behind as he retreated.

Using my Byakugan, I noticed the man's eyes were moving erratically, as though he was searching for something. Extending my search, I found his target first: a lump of chakra-infused clay that I vaguely remembered seeing a sample of when the seal on the cave was broken.

I relayed this information to my teammates, indicating the location through hand-signals while our target looked away.

"In that case, we must not allow him to get to it." Guy signed. "Tenten, you try to shoot him from here, Neji and Lee will race up on either side to cut him off once he's off balance. I'll stay here and prepare to make the final blow incase something goes wrong."

"Got it." We agreed, and then Lee and I picked up our pace to get closer. The Akatsuki began weaving to try to shake us off, but we held our pace. Soon Tenten's Exploding Dragon Strike lashed out at our opponent and forced him towards Lee, who threw him towards me with a devastating side kick.

This time, the Akatsuki didn't have time to recover before I used air palm and threw him back towards Lee. Gai rammed into him with his elbow, knocking the Akatsuki to the ground. He didn't stop there, Gai put the blonde in a chokehold and held on until the criminal had passed out.

Which didn't happen within sixty seconds, so instead I hit a few pressure points to knock him unconscious. Tenten pulled out an arrest seal to help hold the man in place, while Lee tied him up and I set to work sealing his chakra coils.

By the time Naruto's group made their way over Tenten had removed all of his hidden weapons through my instruction (except for the anal switchblade, that one Lee had to retrieve). The old woman Sakura had arrived with announced, "Well, I guess we can consider _this_ one accounted for." Her eyes shifted to the corpse of the Kazekage, and she knelt down beside it.

"No pulse," the lady murmured, "I suppose I'll have to do it."

Even though I was focused on our prisoner, with my Byakugan still on the intensity of her jutsu momentarily blinded me.

"Neji, what's wrong?" Lee asked me. I vaguely noted that Sakura seemed upset by the woman ("Lady Chiyo")'s actions.

"It's nothing," I said, "the sudden increase in her chakra just surprised me, I'll be alright, now."

All of us watched as she performed the jutsu. It wasn't medical ninjutsu of any kind, but it wasn't like anything I'd seen before. Naruto was naturally upset to see his friends body handled like so, but Sakura held him back.

Tenten pulled me away from the spectacle and said, "Lee, I know you want to watch, but I need at least four people for these transportation seals, and it's important that we get them on as quickly as possible."

"Ah right." Lee stuck his hand out over the Akatsuki as Tenten had instructed us to do before asking, "Uh, Tenten? What are these for?"

She explained, "It's a binding jutsu, that will allow the four of us to better control this guy. If he gets too far from any one of us, his heart will explode, and any one of us can do that remotely if we have to. It gives enough room for us to stay far away enough that he can't easily take us out in one go, and it'll trigger the explosion if one or all of us dies."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Lee asked, "I mean, to capture a member of the Akatsuki cannot be a common occurrence. Isn't it better to take him alive fore questioning?"

"Better dead then alive, should he attempt to escape." I responded.

Partway through we had one distraction, "She's bringing him back." Sakura's voice carried, and we all hear her words.

"Focus on our mission, not hers!" Tenten reprimanded us. I complied, though I wondered how such a convenient jutsu could exist, but I had to let Tenten work.

Partway through, Lady Chiyo called out to our group. "Leaf nin, don't let that bastard off easy, alright? I don't have another life to spare, so don't let Gaara get killed again." Tenten grit her teeth n concentration, but Gai looked up at the woman to nod in affirmation. She went on to talk to Sakura, and by the time the seals were finished the woman was breathing her last.

"Naruto, do an old woman a favor, will you? You are the only person in the world who knows the extent of Gaara's pain. He also knows your pain.

"Please. Look after Gaara."

Naruto nodded, and as the old woman breathed her last, the Kazekage breathed once more.

Sakura reached forward to catch the corpse before it collapsed onto Gaara. She lay it back, and Naruto stroked the hand of his sleeping friend.

The atmosphere was pregnant with sorrow as we gave a moment of silence for the dead. I closed my eyes in respect, and only opened them when I noticed that our prisoner had awakened.

The rest of my team noticed as well, but we only glared until Naruto noticed. The three of us backed away as he stalked over, and Tenten let him hoist the criminal up by the shirt.

"You!" He snarled. To his credit, the Akatsuki managed to look completely irritated instead of frightened.

"Me." He snarked.

Naruto growled in anger. "Are you happy now?" The other man remained nonplussed.

"Hm, no. Not really. Why?" Much to my horror he went further, "Is there a party going on? Some reason for me to-" Naruto struck him across the face.

"DON'T YOU DARE ACT LIKE THAT!" He roared, "Granny over there just died to fix your mess, haven't you got anything to say about that?"

The criminal- he must have been suicidal- looked the jinchuriki straight in the eye and said, "Should I?"

Naruto raised his fist, but Sakura said, "Naruto, that's enough."

"But he-"

"He's not worth it." Naruto was still tense so Sakura added, "Once we get back to Sand, we can hand him over to Gaara. Let him deal with his own killer."

Naruto still looked infuriated, but he backed down. Not long after the first of the Sand ninja arrived, waiting for the Kazekage to awaken.

…..

By the time the Kazekage awoke, every single Sand ninja not posted abroad or on guard duty had arrived. Touching words were spoken, revelations made.

Before he awoke, Gai and I talked through prisoner transportation, and some of Sand's seal workers added containment seals of their own. These ones would be preferred over Tentens, not because we were foreign ninja, but because Suna's seals could paralyze the Akatsuki instead of killing him.

It was decided that the Kazekage would make some of the final decisions, but for now the plan was just to bring him back to Suna.

When the time came, the Kazekage took one look at the prisoner and said, "I don't care. Just get this trash back to T&I."

The trip back to Suna was uneventful at first. My team was stationed as part of the formation guarding the Akatsuki, separated from each other so we would be harder to kill simultaneously.

It takes a good deal of chakra to maintain the Byakugan. Not that I didn't have sufficient reserves, but after my battle with the clone I wasn't too keen on maintaining my eye jutsu throughout the trip back.

I also happened to be placed in the front of the formation. As such, I didn't get to see how attack began, though it wasn't hard to guess. The moment I heard a guard scream in pain, I turned around.

Of the four guards leading the Akatsuki, three were unharmed and two had managed to keep their grip on the ropes. The Akatsuki had rammed into the fourth, literally biting his ear off.

I managed to quell my first instinct of attacking head-on, and instead formed the sign to activate Tenten's seal. My Byakugan activated, and I saw that the Suna ninja were activating their binding seals as well.

None of it seemed to make any difference, as the Akatsuki had managed to throw off the attacks of the guards and the paralysis that I could see kicking in. I prepared to fight, aware that my current position was to stay away from direct combat.

But then the other seals deactivated. In what one would call 'peripheral vision' of the Byakugan, which is any area the user is not directly focusing on at the moment, I noticed none of Suna's seal workers were moving.

My focus was on the Akatsuki, and what was in his mouth. It appeared he had bitten off part of a man's ear, and more importantly, a clay earring attached to it. Although the jewelry wasn't made to infuse with Chakra, it appeared the Akatsuki was attempting to do so anyways.

I made my move only when I determined that the man was succeeding. Slowly, but within a few minutes the clay would be ready to explode.

I managed to get within striking reach and to land a single blow when the Akatsuki's blind spot was turned towards me. To be fair, it's more than the others managed.

That was when… things got confusing.

Here's a fun fact about pain: when you're in it, it can be hard focusing on anything around you.

Here's a fun fact about the Hyuuga caged bird seal: it can only be activated by a member of the main branch family.

For some reason, my seal decided to ignore one of these facts shortly after I landed a blow. It should not be hard to guess which one.

I can't remember much of what happened after that. I don't even know how much longer the battle went on for. But I remember distinctly when a bright, bright light started shining somewhere in front of me. I lay face down, but I remember seeing the light anyways.

I must have been stepped on at some point, but I don't remember being hit. I do remember when the pain increased tenfold, because my nervous system shut down within seconds.

I still got to see what was happening. Though I couldn't move, the vortex pulled me in such a way that my entire body lifted off the ground.

I remember… nothing looked as it should. The grass shouldn't have been more than a few feet away, but parts of it looked miles away, parts of seemed to be right next to my head, and parts of it were… missing, I suppose I should say.

Look, it was a very confusing experience. I really don't know how to explain this.

I wasn't strong enough to activate my Byakugan, but I remember one thing that never changed. One thing looked clear and precise, no matter what happened to the area around it.

An eye. The same shade of red as an Uchihas, but there was no tomoe in it. I remember that eye clearly, as it was the only thing I had to hold onto.

The very center was red, but there were three black… petals, I suppose you could call them, reaching outward. Close to the outer rim of the petals a black circle connected the three together.

All I could do was focus on that eye. I don't know how long I stayed there- and considering the subject, it could have been hours. But eventually I felt myself growing even weaker, and darkness washed over me.

…..

If I had woken to the Shinigami, it would not have surprised me. I probably did die that day, by some definition of the word.

I couldn't feel anything. I was… aware is perhaps the wrong word. I _didn't_ think, but I would have been able to, if I really tried.

I continued not-thinking even as I became aware of my limbs. Slowly, my body faded back into existence, poised upright.

The first thought that came to me was: I'm not hurt anymore.

Then: I'm thinking.

Then: What do I know about myself?

As I hadn't suffered any sort of amnesia, my next thoughts were more concerned with finding out where I was.

I was somewhere dark, a little cold, musty and dusty. When I moved, my arm hit something hard, and when I twisted away my back hit the other wall. If I moved properly I could see that there was some light coming through cracks along the wall near the floor.

So, a closet. What was I doing in a closet? Not trusting the other side of the door, I activated my Byakugan.

On the other side of the door was a civilian home, lower class, probably from a smaller village. Most of the inhabitants were gathered in a hallway, or sitting in the main room. Behind the crowded door was a bedroom, where-

I turned off my Byakugan.

No, there wasn't a newlywed couple having sex, I was at least nine months late for that. A woman was giving birth, which explained why this closet was empty- all of the winter blankets were being used as padding.

For once, I thank the elders of my clan for insisting all Hyuuga's receive desensitization and concentration lessons. I turned my eyesight back on, this time focused on everywhere but that bedroom.

I noticed that there were no one in the crowd had well-developed chakra coils or muscles, which made it much easier for me to sneak out. I didn't know how I got into a closet, or where I was, but the civilians shouldn't have to deal with my situation. Especially not during such as a joyous occasion.

I managed to escape unnoticed through a window in the soon-to-be nursery. I didn't want to risk starting a war with one of the other five great nations if I was somewhere forbidden. So, before I left the closet I transformed myself into a nondescript, non-Hyuuga civilian. No E-ranked jutsu wouldn't fool a chakra sensor, but hopefully I wouldn't run into any.

I was in a small town, the kind where everyone knew everyone. It definitely wasn't the Land of Fire, there was a large mountain range nearby that was unlike any I'd seen before.

It was a farming town, as I passed through I noticed they were harvesting some sort of grain that required far less water to grow then rice did.

I also noticed that the people were nervous about me as I passed by, as though they hadn't seen a traveler in a long time. Definitely not somewhere I wanted to drag in my own village.

I couldn't slow down or speed up without provoking an attack, but luckily I managed to make my way out of the village and onto the dirt road without interruption.

…..

I spent three days on the road like that, with every town I visited being nervous enough for me to avoid it. I wanted to move at top speeds, but doing so would only draw attention to myself.

With the hostility I'd seen from the civilians, I didn't want to meet the militia.

When I found out what was going on, it was at the hands of an enemy.

In the afternoon of the third day, I was smart enough to have kept my disguise up on the deserted road. I noticed the chakra signatures long before they noticed me, giving me more then enough time to hide.

A four-man team of adult ninja passed through without even looking my way. Naturally I focused on them, and I nearly blew my cover.

The first thing I looked for was their headbands- Iwa. Then I tried to discern their objective. The female and the shortest had a number of explosives, wire and other mechanisms for traps. The other two were probably their escorts, one with a well-defined chakra network and the other with a short blade and a powerful physique.

I began to speculate why they were out here, when I noticed the vests three of them had on. Chunin, but not the cut that Iwa had installed for the past eleven years.

As a Hyuuga, I was given an extensive education as a child. Amongst the topics I studied was ninja history. I didn't remember where I saw the vests until long after they were gone, when I was passing by the next town.

This settlement was larger then the other farming villages I'd seen, probably where the locals went to sell their product. It had guards posted at it's gates, though they weren't ninja. Still, jumpy militia with weapons could be just as dangerous as trained shinobi.

I couldn't see any ninja being posted near the front, but that didn't mean they weren't there. Still, I decided to take the risk and see about acquiring a map while I was in town.

The guards stopped me as I got close. I fed them a story I'd prepared about having a mother dying of an incurable illness, but losing my way and getting lost on the road.

"Is that all?" One of the men asked, "Do you need to enter town, or do you just need a map?"

"A map would be fine." I decided not to press my luck.

One of them nodded, and they called someone over to fetch something for me. "Can you pay for it?" One of them asked.

I thought about it, and decided not to risk offering the wrong currency. "If I can just take a look, and position myself, that would be great."

He nodded, as the boy returned.

The first man kept his eyes on my as he rolled it out on the ground. I knelt down beside him, and noted that the map focused on a section of Iwa closest to the Land of Forests. The man pointed to a dot on the map with a road running through it and explained.

"This is where we are." He pointed to an area south of us, "This is all warzone. If your mom's over there, don't bother trying to get close."

I nodded. "The enemy?"

"Mostly it's Wind, but rumor has it there might be some Fire breaking in."

I nodded. "Thanks. I think I see the road I need to take."

The guard rolled up the map, and the other one spoke, "It's been tough these last three years, ever since the Kannabi bridge was destroyed, Fire has been winning one victory after another on us."

That was when I almost dropped my cover. Inside I wanted to scream, demand answers, and run back to the village. But I made Jonin for a reason, and I managed to keep my cool long enough to leave the town unnoticed. (Thank god they were just civilians, and their distrust extended no further then keeping me out of their homes.)

From the moment I found myself in that closet, I knew I was far from home. But twenty years? That was a little too much.

…..

…..

AN: Wow, this is the fifth version of this story, and the third version I've started to type out. I actually wanted to write more of this chapter, but I just wanted to get it up before I scrapped this version as well.

This will eventually be a cross-over with another form of media, however I intend to write this so that fans who aren't familiar with the other element of this cross-over can understand what's going on. The other media in the cross-over holds the answer to one of the biggest mysteries in the story, but once it's revealed, anyone familiar with the other form of media will be able to answer a ton of other mysteries that those who don't know the other form of media won't understand until the characters figure it out. In-story, I will assume the audience knows nothing about the other form of media when writing this, and explain accordingly. Eventually, I'll either break this into two stories (one crossover, one just Naruto), or change the category to crossover.

Just to mention, Kakashi's Sharingan? Not the excuse for the time-travel. Well, partially, but not fully. You'll see! Some stuff is probably obvious, but I couldn't work around it without breaking the continuity of this story.

Yes, this is a Groundhog-Day story. However, right now Neji doesn't know that. The first two or so chapters (five chapters at most) will be like your average time-travel to the past story, just with Neji.


End file.
